Thursday, October 23, 2014

Can Squirrels become Butterflies? Living the dream while recovering from ME/CFS

Hello all!

Cool stuff coming up:
• Site Redesign & Update
• New Screenwriting projects
• New YouTube channel

I am currently undergoing a big redesign of my website. I had a very bad relapse of the ME/CFS over the last few years, which hit me very severely and I am only just recovering in the last month or so, which has meant I have not been able to put any energy into this space or my website for a while. A long while. I've been concentrating on my recovery from what has been a truly devastating illness. As I am slowly recovering I am catching up on updating my website, responding to correspondence that I missed and getting back to my writing.

Seriously, I don't quite know how I've made it through the last few years. ME/CFS is so much more devastating that the name 'chronic fatigue syndrome' confers. It is more like flu you never seem to be able to get over and on a good day it feels like the worst hangover you've ever had and a crushing fatigue that is difficult to describe. Nothing like healthy 'fatigue'. You basically feel really ill, but get very little in the way of medical help or sympathy. It's pretty awful really and a patient is basically just left to 'get on with it'. Amazingly we do adapt, but need strict pacing and a super healthy regime to regain ground from the illness.

I've been very lucky. Apart from having the most brilliant family ever, I've found some amazing help from The Optimum Health Clinic in London, Active Healthcare and a Kineseologist called Gill Farr, which so far seem to be making enough of a difference that I can now sit up and write this and have spurts of ability to do 'stuff' in small portions, which I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to have a little bit of my life back! Yay! :D

I am now strictly pacing my activity, which means I'm having to be very strict on how I use my time and energy. All I really want to do right now is continue to recover, write and enjoy myself and time with the family, so I am not going to take on any extra work and just concentrate on honing my craft on my own projects. I intend to start keeping a video diary of my next screenplay on YouTube, sharing the process and hints and tips I've picked up along the way.  That's if I can get used to the idea of being in front of the camera!

The upside of the ME/CFS is that it has given me a lot of down time to think and ponder, which has meant I am now bursting full of stories. There's nothing like traumatic life experiences to focus the mind, even if that mind is a little addled with ME/CFS brain-fog.  Life is too short and precious and we really have to make the most of what we have on this planet and I've come to the conclusion I was born to be a storyteller and the medium I choose is screenwriting for film. 

I wonder if the ME/CFS was the messenger for me to truly understand this and stop me in my tracks until I got the message. I started writing at first just as I really couldn't manage anything more physical with the ME/CFS, but what if it was more than that - a secret calling from my soul to step up. A big walloping hint from the Universe to follow my destiny. Since I've taken up the idea, me as an actual, real Screenwriter, life just seems to flow and I've had so much support, it's like the universe is screaming out for me to write more and offers me cool people and help and encouragement everywhere I turn. The pure joy of actually being able to sit upright long enough with some semblance of brain function is just so wonderful.

It actually feels quite magical, as if the whole universe is conspiring. I've pretty much always thought as myself as the best assistant on the planet, here to assist the industries greats... but what if... what if I'm actually here to CREATE? Something much more ambitious than assisting. Putting my authentic self and vision on the line. 

I've always been the little squirrel diligently and passionately working behind the scenes, but somehow the cocoon of serious illness has metamorphasized me into something else. Maybe only an experience of losing so much, our identity of who we *think* we are can we fully embrace what we actually are in the moment? Our potential. Our souls calling.  Can we actually hear a soul's calling when life is so busy and hectic doing?  Would I have started writing if I had not got ME/CFS? Probably not. I was way too active and adventuring for that much sitting down and thinking.

Since I've started to come out of the fog and desolation of illness I feel new growth emerging from the metaphorical ash from the forest fire that is ME/CFS. Can squirrels emerge from cocoons as butterflies? Is the case of making the impossible, possible a shift of reality? For I sure feel lighter, brighter and ready to fly!

I hope my slow but sure ongoing recovery from ME/CFS will inspire people to overcome their difficulties and any obstacles and follow their dreams. I will endeavour to write more blogs with my philosophies and ideas on wellbeing and success and the many methods I have used to overcome my own challenges and stay positive and focused on my goals and aspirations.  Although I may make these as YouTube videos and save my typing fingers for my screenplays!

Thanks for listening! :)

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